Finding Purpose — Youth soccer players and humility
One of the great joys I have as the Director of Elevate Training Program is the freedom to design an experience that I believe can have a positive impact on the players I work with — on and off the field. I really enjoy connecting with kids on a deeper level and getting to know them and their families; this includes attending their games whenever I have a chance.
Last weekend, I went to see one of my trainees play with his club team; optimistic that I might see a quality game devoid of the various issues that plague youth soccer in this country. My hopefulness meant nothing. As soon as the game started, I was quickly reminded that this system is struggling and has a long way to go…
It was clear to me that my trainee’s team lacked humility. They argued loudly with one another and bickered with the referee — as if he was the reason they were losing and struggling to play together. It didn’t help that several parents also exuded this kind of energy from the sideline — coaching their kids and yelling at the referee to “call the game both ways”. This persistent focus on the negative and superficial was worrisome, particularly from a “well-established” club in the Washington soccer landscape.
The flashpoint came at the very end of the game. There was one player (#11) on my trainee’s team in particular who struggled to make a positive impact. Although talented, he often dribbled into 3 or 4 players, losing the ball and then yelling at his teammates. With about 5 minutes left to go, down 2–0, the coach asks for a sub. #11 is called off. He ignores the call. The coach and his teammates call his name 3 more times while he yells at his teammates over who should take the free kick that the referee had just awarded them. When he finally — and reluctantly — jogs off the field, he yells at the coach, “why me?!” and sits down on the bench.
I have to be honest and say that what happened next is not something I have ever witnessed in person at a youth game. When the final whistle was blown and the two teams came together to shake hands, the air around my trainee’s team was tense. As the group huddled up to listen to what the coach had to say, I saw #11 standing twenty or so yards away from his team, dribbling and juggling a ball. I tried to make sense of this but couldn’t. I immediately knew that I was watching a young player openly — and unapologetically — disrespect his team and his coach. About 10–15 seconds passed and he was followed by another teammate who stood with him, having casual conversation as the team was still in the huddle with the coach. It took a few minutes for the coach to turn around and see two of his players off to the side, disengaged and uninterested in being part of the group.
The coach motioned for the two players to come closer. They did and the coach looked at the #11 and I heard him say, “You need to be with your team. This isn’t about soccer, this is about life”. These were the most profound words I had heard all day on that field. Young players need to know and understand what it means to be a part of a group; this means developing humility. Too often, our culture — in this country and in club soccer — focuses on the “individual”. Me, me, me. All about me. In the context of being coached, I would say that at any given point, a player may not like or agree with what the coach has to say — this is normal for any athlete playing a team sport. However, this does not mean that they should publicly — particularly in the middle of a game — express themselves in a disrespectful way towards their coach or team. This is a recipe for chaos.
So I ask myself, “what is the purpose of the youth game?”
What are these leagues for? What are parents paying all this money for? What are families traveling around the country for? What are these showcases for? What are these titles and trophies for? Is this game played in order to turn these players into college athletes (5–7% chance)? Is it to aspire for the crazy pipe dream of the pro game (>2% chance)? We — the directors, coaches, teachers, mentors — have to be clear in what our purpose is, understanding that the game is an opportunity to shape the next generation in a positive way.
What is our purpose?
